Wednesday, March 7, 2012

5x20 - The Transporter Malfunction

SPOILER ALERT. Following is the taping report for "The Transporter Malfunction." Please credit me if you share this information anywhere.  
Scene 1
The guys and Penny are all eating at Leonard and Sheldon’s. Penny comments that the chicken is really good. Sheldon says, it’s like they say, the best things in life are free. Penny says she does eat their food a lot, but they’re free to take from her fridge whenever they want. Sheldon says if he ever wants to wash down a D cell battery with some pickle juice, he’ll take her up on that.
Howard tells Raj he needs to know if Raj is bringing someone or not to the wedding, since he hasn’t sent back his RSVP yet. Raj says he’ll let Howard know. Howard says to let him know soon, because it’s like the Battle Royal over the reception seating chart, with Bernadette’s mom in one corner, and his mom in the other three.
Sheldon says he hates wedding receptions, and the bride and groom should follow Bilbo Baggin’s example – put on the ring, disappear, and everyone goes home. Leonard tells Sheldon he liked Professor So-and-so’s wedding reception. Sheldon says that’s because he had an ice cream sundae bar, it was a night to remember – on one trip, he only got a bowl of nuts.
Howard says, anyway, if Raj isn’t bringing someone, his mom wants to use the extra plus one for “the guy who removed that thing from her head” / “the guy who sucked the fat from her neck” (two different takes). Raj says, fine, he’s bringing someone, Koothrappali plus one. Leonard asks who he’s bringing. Raj defensively asks who Leonard’s bringing. Leonard says he’s bringing Penny. Penny says yeah, and asks Raj again who he’s bringing. (After the first take, after Raj asks Leonard, Penny says, “He’s bringing me,” then asks Raj again.)
Raj says everyone’s like Nosey O’Donnell. Howard asks, really, who’s Raj bringing? Raj says he’s not telling them. He’s Asian and mysterious, deal with it. Sheldon asks Howard if he’ll have a sundae bar. Howard says probably not. Sheldon says he should – 50% of all marriages end in divorce, but 100% of all sundae bars end in happiness.
Scene 2
Raj is at home, calls his parents on Skype. He greets them and asks how they are. Mrs. Koothrappali says she can’t complain. Dr. Koothrappali tells her to just give it a minute. Raj says there’s something he’d like to talk to them about, and he’d avoided it before, but he thinks he’s ready now.
His dad says, you’re finally coming out of the closet. His mom tells him that they love him, and accept his lifestyle, but to keep it to himself. Raj says no, he’s not gay! If anything, he’s metrosexual. They ask what that means. Raj says it means he likes women, and their skin care products. His dad asks if he’s not coming out, then why did he call them in the middle of the cricket semi-finals?
Raj says that he’s tired of trying to find someone, and he’d like them to help him find a wife. His mom asks, to clarify, a female wife? Raj says yes. His dad says wise choice, arranged marriage – much better than marrying for love. Mrs. Koothrappali says, we married for love. Her husband says, and it’s been wonderful.
Scene 3
Leonard’s on his laptop at his desk, Sheldon’s working on a large whiteboard near his desk. Sheldon says that theoretical physics make him happy. Leonard says he’s glad. Sheldon says he just wishes he had someone to share it with. On the next take, Sheldon’s line was changed to, it’s like looking at the universe naked. And he stares at the board for a few seconds, then shudders a little. (Leonard’s look in response to this was golden.)
Penny comes in and asks if they’ve got a minute. She says she was thinking about Sheldon’s joke the other night about her eating their food – and Sheldon cuts in that it wasn’t a joke, but he understands her confusion, seeing as he is the resident cutup of the group. Leonard turns and asks, really? You’re the cutup? Sheldon says yes. Leonard says prove it. Sheldon asks, “Knock knock?” “Who’s there.” “Interrupting physicist.” “Interrupting physicist w-“ “Muon!”
Leonard turns around back to Penny. She says anyways, she got a residual check from her commercial, and decided to get the guys a gift as a thank you. She sets the brown paper bag she’s carrying on the coffee table, and pulls out a box for Sheldon. He gets excited, saying it’s some Star Trek mint in box vintage rare transporter from 1975… Leonard’s excited too, and asks where she got it. Penny says from Stuart, she went to the comic book store. Leonard asks, you went to the comic book store by yourself? She says it was fun, two guys had asthma attacks when she entered, made her feel pretty good.
Sheldon says something about how he’s going to show his gratitude, and Penny asks if she’s about to receive a rare Sheldon Cooper hug. Sheldon says no, if he gave them out all the time they wouldn’t be special. Instead he points his fingers like a gun at her, and makes a clicking sound, then goes off to the side to look at his new toy.
Penny tells Leonard she didn’t forget about him, she got him… a label maker! Leonard looks at it, says, wow… That’s great. And it’s even mint in package too… (Trying, but not very hard, to sound excited.) Penny says, and she got him a transporter too! She hands it to him, he throws the label maker to the side, yells AWESOME!, and huddles next to Sheldon to look at them together.
Sheldon says that the transporter was made to go along with his vintage Spock figurine. Penny says great, open it up, but the guys hold the boxes close to their chests and say, no! Penny asks why not? Leonard says “they’re collectables” at the same time as Sheldon says “they’re mint in package.” Penny says they can open just one, but they hold them close again. Penny says they’re just toys. Leonard says but when you open them, they lose their value. Penny says she got the same talk from her mom about her virginity, but it was a lot more fun to take it out and play with it.
Scene 4
Raj, Howard, and Bernadette are out at a restaurant. Bernadette asks Raj if he really wants them there when he meets this woman. Raj says in his culture, they have a chaperone there when a couple meets for the first time. Plus he wants to make a good impression, and no offense, but next to them he looks like he’s 6’2”. Bernadette says the nuns used to chaperone the dances at her high school – they made them leave room between each other for the Holy Spirit.
On the first take, Raj says they don’t have anything like that in his culture. Howard says that’s a good thing, because if they had to leave room for an elephant, your date would be at another table. Then it was changed, so after Bernadette’s line, Howard said that Hindus have a similar thing, but they leave room for a cow.
Raj says as charming and racist as he thinks Howard’s jokes are, could he not make fun of his religion tonight when she’s there? Howard says Raj made fun of him for eating locks yesterday. Raj says that’s different, you doesn’t worship locks. Howard says that Raj has never been to brunch with Howard’s cousins.
Bernadette asks Raj if he just has to marry whoever his parents choose. Raj says no, he has a choice. On the first take,  here Raj spots Lakshmi entering the restaurant, and says that she looks better than spending the rest of his life alone. And he says something about her becoming Mrs. Koothrappali, but Bernadette tells him to slow down or something. Then they cut there, for some reason (I can’t remember if someone flubbed a line, or the director just stopped them), and when they did it again they’d rewritten that part of the scene.
So after Bernadette asks if Raj has a choice, he says yes, but she’s bound to be better than the threesome he’s been having with Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth. Lakshmi walks up and asks if he’s Raj, and he stands and says yes, and introduces him to Bernadette and Howard. On one take, Kunal messed up by introducing Howard first, then did the same thing on the next one – Kunal said, “I just like Howard so much.” As he goes to sit down, on the first take I think Raj said something to Bernadette about needing those wedding books back she borrowed. On the second take, he told her, he’s thinking double wedding.
Scene 5
Sheldon’s working at his desk at home, and Spock’s voice says, Dr Cooper. Sheldon looks around, sees no one, but the voice calls his name again. Then the voice says, “down here,” and Sheldon looks down at the small Spock figurine on his desk. Sheldon says “fascinating,” and that the logical explanation must be that he’s dreaming. Spock says that’s not the only logical explanation – he could be hallucinating after being hit on the head with a coconut. Sheldon asks if he was hit on the head with a coconut. Spock says he’s not going to dignify that with a response.
Spock then tells Sheldon that he must play with the transporter. Sheldon protests that it’s mint in the box. Spock says yes, but just as he is half-human, so is Sheldon. Sheldon says he’s not going to dignify that with a response. Spock asks Sheldon what toys are for. Sheldon says to be played with. Spock asks, so what is it if you don’t play with toys? Sheldon says illogical – darn it, Spock got him. He says fine, he’ll open it, and reaches for the box, but Spock tells him to wait, he needs to wake up first. Sheldon says right, “beam me up, dummy,” then closes his eyes…
And cuts to (PRE-TAPED), Sheldon in bed, waking up and saying “oh goody, oh goody.” He goes to the transporter on his desk in the living room, saying to himself, “I’m going to do it, I’m going to do it, I’m doing it, I’m doing it” as he opens it. He smells the open box, and says it’s exactly what he thought 1975 would smell like. So he pulls it out, places the Spock figurine in, goes through the “beam me up” spiel, and spins him around in it. Then he spins it again, and Spock gets stuck. Sheldon tries to fix it, but ends up breaking the whole thing.
Sheldon starts to panic about it breaking, then looks across and sees Leonard’s sitting on his desk, and says “it’s only logical.”
When they finished this scene, Nimoy came out on stage, and got a standing ovation. They fixed the cameras on him, so those on the sides who couldn’t directly see him could still see him on the TVs above. And they took a couple pictures of him with Jim – the first they’re just smiling, and in the second doing the Vulcan salute.
Scene 6
Raj and Lakshmi finishing dinner at his apartment. She tells him that was delicious, and he says there’s still dessert – chocolate lava cake. She asks what exactly goes into chocolate lava cake. He says you start with a chocolate soufflĂ©, then when you see it fell, you panic, then quickly change the name.
She says their parents are probably dying to know how this is going so far, and they decide to check – they each pull out their phones. Raj says he’s got 3 missed calls. She has 4 missed calls, 2 texts, plus a failed video chat – she wins. She asks Raj what they’re going to tell them. Raj says he’d like to say it’s going good. Lakshmi says her too, but before they say anything, they should make sure they’re on the same page. Raj asks what page is that.
Lakshmi says she’s under a lot of pressure from her parents to settle down, get married, start a family, and she wants to do that so they don’t find out she’s a lesbian. Raj asks, she’s gay? Like guy on guy, but with women? She says he of all people should know how hard it is to come out in their culture. Raj asks why him of all people. She says there’s a rumor going around in New Delhi that he’s, how to say… comfortable in a sari. He says he’s not gay!
She tells him to fill in the blank, “I like the nightlife…” He continues, “I like to boogie.” She says, got you! He says he likes to boogie with girls! She says come on, the chocolate lava cake, his little soaps in the bathroom, and he’s wearing more perfume than she is. Raj says that it’s Khloe and Lamar’s Unbreakable, and it’s unisex.
Lakshmi says too bad, he was exactly the kind of phony baloney husband she was looking for. On the first take, I think Raj thanked her, then said that he’s sure someday she’ll make a great fake wife. Then Raj’s line was changed, to he just said, remember, his baloney likes girls. She starts to take a bite of the lava cake, but Raj stops her, and says she can’t eat any without some of his homemade cream, and he goes to the fridge to get it… Then he stops himself and says, okay, that time he heard it.
Scene 7
Sheldon wakes up in his bed to discover he’s on another planet. (They had Sheldon’s bed set up, surrounded by rocks and dirt and all on the ground, and surrounding the set was a giant blue screen.) He says, oh dear, two suns and no sunscreen. He gets out of bed and looks around, and his Spock figurine, standing on a rock, calls his name. Sheldon asks, what now tiny Spock? Spock says he’s disappointed in Sheldon – he broke his toy, then switched it with Leonard’s. He should be ashamed of himself. Sheldon says that Spock told him to play with it. Spocks asks, if he told Sheldon to jump off the bridge of the Enterprise, would he? Sheldon says if he got on the Enterprise, he would never ever leave. Spock says trust him, it gets old after a while.
Then Spock says that Sheldon must fix what he did. Sheldon asks why, he got away with it. Leonard’s never going to open his, so he’ll never find out. And Sheldon doesn’t have a broken toy, everyone’s happy. Spock says he’s unhappy. Sheldon says he thought Spock came from a place with no emotions. Spock says he came from a factory in Taiwan. Sheldon says that Spock is just green-blooded and bitter, and should just beam away. Spock says he’ll use the transporter – oh wait, Sheldon broke it.
Sheldon picks up the Spock figurine, and says, one to beam up, energize, then throws the Spock doll off to the side. Sheldon sits down on a rock, but a gorn walks out from behind a giant rock, and Sheldon screams and runs away.
Scene 8
Howard’s working on something in his lab, Raj comes in and asks if he can talk to him about something. Howard says hold on a minute, drops the thing he’s working on into water to cool, then pops it in his mouth, and says – great, mom would have killed him if she found out he broke his retainer.
He takes it out and puts it aside, and Raj says it’s about Lakshmi. Howard asks how that’s going. Raj says they hit a couple bumps, she lives in Manhattan Beach, which is like an hour away, plus she’s gay. Howard asks, what do you mean? Raj says, remember when we used to hit on girls at bars, and they rejected us, and we said they were probably gay? It’s like that, but it’s true.
Howard asks then why she went out with Raj in the first place. Raj says so her parents wouldn’t find out. And as crazy as the whole thing sounds, he’s thinking of going through with it. Howard says that it all sounds crazy because it IS crazy. Raj says it could be good – they get their parents off their backs, he has someone to come home to, he can eat carbs again and let himself go. Howard asks, you’d marry someone who would never have sex with you? Raj says he’s surprised, he thought Howard was for gay marriage. Howard says yes, gays marrying other gays. Raj asks who died and made Howard king of gay marriage. On the last take, Raj’s line was changed to telling Howard he sounded homophobic.
Scene 9
Sheldon’s typing at his desk, he gets distracted and looks at the Spock figure by his computer, then goes back to typing. That happens a couple times, then Sheldon gives in, stands and switches his toy with Leonard’s (still sitting on his desk), then sits back down. After a beat, Sheldon says, “I don’t want a broken toy!” then switches them back.
Leonard and Penny enter right as Sheldon’s still standing by Leonard’s desk. Sheldon says “Nothing!” and goes back to his desk. Leonard asks, what? Sheldon says “nothing, I said nothing.” Originally, Penny asks Sheldon if he’s alright. On the first take, Jim started to say something, when Johnny had the next line, so Kaley asked Jim again, “Are you alright?” And Jim made the gun again with his fingers and the clicking noise. Unfortunately I don’t remember what Leonard actually said after that. But then it was changed, so after Sheldon’s “nothing, I said nothing,” Penny says, that was strange. Leonard asks, “Really? I don’t notice anymore.
Penny walks up to Leonard’s desk, and says she can’t believe they’re not going to open the toys. Leonard says it’s like he told her, they’re mint. Penny says yeah, but it seems like such a waste. She picks up Leonard’s, and Sheldon makes this panicked noise. Penny says relax, she’s just looking at it. Sheldon says maybe she should look with her eyes instead of her big strong Nebraskan man hands, he just doesn’t want Penny to break Leonard’s toy, but she probably already has, “she shook it, we all saw.”
Penny carries it to Leonard and says she bought them so they would play and have fun with them, not so they’d just sit in the box. Leonard says she’s right, and since it’s from her, it’s not like he’s ever going to sell it anyways. So he opens it (and Sheldon makes another small panicked noise), and Leonard discovers it’s broken inside. Sheldon blames Penny. Penny says she didn’t break it, Stuart must have sold it to her like that. Sheldon says yes, that’s plausible, they should all blame Stuart. Penny says she paid a lot of money for that, and tells Leonard they should go talk to him.
They head for the door, but right before they get there Sheldon stops them, and says it was him. He opened Leonard’s toy and discovered that it was broken. Leonard asks why Sheldon opened his. Sheldon says he didn’t, that was a lie. The truth is he opened his own toy... saw it was broken, then switched it with Leonard’s. Leonard says then Sheldon should be the one to go talk to Stuart. Sheldon says he can’t, that was a lie too. Sheldon says that Leonard’s toy broke in an earthquake – no, that’s a lie too. Penny asks what the truth is.
Sheldon says that Spock came to him in a dream, and told him to play with his transporter. So he opened his, and then broke it, and switched it with Leonard’s. Spock told him to switch them back, but he didn’t listen, and then he got chased by a gorn. Leonard and Penny agree that sounds like the truth. Leonard points to the one on Sheldon’s desk, and asks, is that one mine? He wants to open it. So Sheldon hands it over, and says that although he doesn’t have one anymore, he hopes that Leonard still has fun with his. Leonard says, “that’s a lie,” and Sheldon says, “big fat one,” then adds, “I hope it breaks.”
Scene 10
Howard and Bernadette are at Raj’s. Raj says this is a surprise, and asks why they’re there. Bernadette says that Howard told her about Lakshmi. Raj asks Howard, you told her? Howard says he told everyone. Bernadette says that they think there’s someone out there who will like Raj for himself. Howard says they actually agree to disagree there, but they both think he shouldn’t marry this woman. Raj asks, is he just supposed to wait alone for this mysterious woman who might not even exist?
Bernadette says they actually found someone for him to cuddle with, and pulls a puppy out of her purse and hands it to Raj. Raj says, well aren’t you the cutest little Yorkie ever! Raj asks, you really got him for me? Howard says it’s a her, and they thought they’d hit it off. Raj says he thinks they already have, then tells her come on, let’s see if you fit in my man bag. Bernadette says quietly to Howard, “Koothrappali plus one.” Then her line was changed, to “Metrosexual, my ass.”


  1. Wow, this is the first episode in a long time with absolutely no Amy. I hope we see her more in the next episode. Still, this one sounds hilarious, thanks for the report, as always :)

  2. This felt very geeky and some what back to the feel of earlier seasons but at the same time a little weird. I don't know how to put it. Great to see Nimoy was there and can't wait to see the photos.

  3. I love all the Leonard and Penny. Fantastic.

  4. This sounds like a great episode. FINALLY!

    Thanks for the report.

  5. the spock toy scene sounds hilarious! so excited!

    thanks for the report btw. :)

  6. LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!!!!! Looks like the crossover has fianlly arrrived and in this sense can Shatner and Chekov be far behind from TOS.......get 'em while thier still alive!

  7. Love it, thanks so much Roxanne for the report
    I can't wait to see this

  8. Thanks Roxanne, u're the best!!! Stephen Hawking is going to be int tbbt 5x21!!!! i can't believe it!!!! now Leonard Nimoy and now a genius :)

  9. Are you ok roxanne? I didn't heard anything about you recently in here and in the forum.... Oliver

    1. I'm fine! I haven't posted on the spoiler board recently, but I have still been on the regular Big Bang Theory board at FF. And since there wasn't a taping this week, I got to go to Mayim's book signing, which I made an entry about here. :)

  10. Hi! I have a friend , abig fan of the show, that had shoulder surgery one week ago. I am wondering if it would be posible to get one vip ticket for her to see the show. The taping date would be 2/19/14- Do you know where should I ask for that kind of tickets? We are from South America.